Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Ladies! Surprising reasons
you’re not having sex

Not getting any? You’re not alone: Women today have less time for sex than their 1950s counterparts. And it’s estimated that 40 million Americans have what experts call a sexless marriage (having sex less than 10 times a year).

 

Bringing too many distractions to bed can put a crimp in your sex life.

A regular sex life is good for your health. It can satisfy all sorts of emotional- and physical-intimacy needs and help partners stay close, says Anita H. Clayton, M.D., a professor of psychiatry at the University of Virginia and author of “Satisfaction: Women, Sex, and the Quest for Intimacy.” So why the dry spell? You can chalk it up to a sheer lack of time, but there are a slew of other reasons, too — from weight gain and perimenopause to technology overload (stop texting now) in the bedroom. Here’s how to beat these sex busters.


Your bed isn’t sexy anymore.

We hear it over and over again: The bed should be used for sex and sleep only. So why do so many of us insist on bringing third parties — laptops, PDAs, “Law & Order” — into the boudoir? All that technology and distraction can cause insomnia and put a damper on your sex life. After all, it’s harder to initiate sex if your spouse is hiding behind a newspaper or glued to the TV or if your hands are busy exploring the Web rather than his body.

Sex Rx:
At a minimum, make the bedroom a no-technology zone, Clayton suggests. Then take a hard look at your life (from romance and work to entertainment and family), and give sex the priority it deserves. If you have to schedule sex as you would a meeting, do it!


Your meds are stealing your sex drive.

Oh, the irony. You start taking oral contraceptives (OCs) so you can have worry-free sex. Then the magic little pills start sapping your sex drive. Why? OCs contain estrogen, which increases the production of a protein called sex-hormone binding globulin (SHBG), says Michael Krychman, M.D., medical director of sexual medicine at Hoag Hospital in Newport Beach, California, and executive director of the Southern California Center for Sexual Health and Survivorship Medicine. SHBG can trap testosterone, affecting your sex drive. There are even new data suggesting that this negative impact might be long-term. Other potential sex-drive-stalling meds to be on the lookout for: those that reduce blood pressure, anxiety, and acid reflux, and antidepressants, too.


Sex Rx:
Ask your doc about the sexual side effects of all of your drugs. You may also want to try a contraceptive method that doesn’t use hormones, such as condoms, a diaphragm, or an IUD.


Your crazy-busy life.

You spend your days working, cooking, working out, taking care of the family. And, still, at 11:30 p.m., “you’re expected to wave this magic goddess wand,” Krychman says. It’s enough to make even Pamela Anderson curl up in bed and cry, “headache.” Besides totally tuckering you out, the chronic stresses of modern life can also trigger a cascade of hormonal changes that mess with your body’s sexual-response cycle. And here’s another modern sex buster that adds to all the craziness: today’s always-connected technology.

Sex Rx:
With spontaneous sex almost out of the question, you need some serious “life management” to work it in, experts say. Put a lock on the master bedroom door and set a technology time limit. Shift gears from the harried pace of everyday life with a soothing bath, suggests Health contributor and Los Angeles–based sex therapist Linda De Villers, Ph.D. Plunging into warm water takes you away from the laptops and cell phones that clog up your day. Add a few drops of ylang-ylang essential oil; the aroma is thought to heighten sexual feelings.


You don’t like your body.

Many women find themselves withdrawing or not willing to experiment sexually if they’re overweight or have a change in shape due to pregnancy, Clayton says. “Emotionally, we’ve bought into the media’s idealization of what is really sexy. The message is, you have to look a certain way in order to have really good sex.”

Sex Rx:
“Women have a talent for disliking the very things about themselves that other people find very attractive,” De Villers says. Feel free to ask him what he likes about your body; his compliments can help you feel more positive. But don’t underestimate the mental boost of shedding some pounds. In a recent Health.com survey, 37 percent of respondents said losing weight makes them feel sexy. In fact, even a five-pound weight loss has been shown to jump-start sex drive.


You’ve hit perimenopause.

Before menopause, hormonal shifts — specifically decreasing estrogen — lead to physiological changes that can make sex seem about as appealing as running a marathon with a pebble in your sock. Sensitive vaginal tissues become less lubricated, the ensuing dryness leads to pain, and painful sex quickly turns into no sex, Krychman says. Hot flashes don’t help matters, either. A landmark study published last year in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology shows women whose sexual desire drops during menopause are more apt to report night sweats, disturbed sleep, and depression.


Sex Rx:
Talk to your physician about the pros and cons of hormone replacement therapy (HRT), which may lessen menopausal symptoms. New research shows an estrogen cream or suppository may ease dryness without the risks of HRT. Lubricants such as Replens or his-and-hers lubes from K-Y can also help, especially if pain during intercourse is a problem. Pine bark extract is also getting a lot of buzz: A study in the Scandinavian Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology found that it may alleviate hot flashes, depression, panic attacks, elevated cholesterol, and other symptoms linked with perimenopause. Talk to your doctor before trying anything new.


Your man’s just not that into it.

You may actually be raring to go, but your partner’s engine seems stalled. Perhaps he’s emotionally withdrawing, says Bob Berkowitz, Ph.D., co-author of “He’s Just Not Up for It Anymore: Why Men Stop Having Sex, and What You Can Do About It.” “The usual problems between husbands and wives can play out in the bedroom,” he says, especially if your partner has a hard time expressing his feelings properly. Or, he may want you to be more sexually adventurous. You needn’t hang from chandeliers; it could be as simple as being a more enthusiastic lover.

Sex Rx:
Talk it out in a blame-free way. “It’s understandable that a woman would feel rejected,” Berkowitz says. But don’t confront him with ‘What the hell is going on? Are you cheating on me?’ or he’ll shut down. If a man’s sex life is not working out, he may feel he’s failed as a man, because men invest so much of themselves in their sexuality,” Berkowitz adds. So try to broach the subject in a loving way.


You’re depressed.

When you’re feeling down in the dumps, desire can take a big hit, particularly if you’re female. Women tend to isolate themselves, Clayton says, and that can strain even the strongest of romantic relationships. Antidepressants may lift the dark cloud, but some affect your ability to have an orgasm.


Sex Rx:
If you notice your sex drive takes a nosedive after you start a new medication, tell your doctor; she may be able to prescribe an alternative, such as Wellbutrin (bupropion), which doesn’t affect orgasm. Consider different avenues of treatment, too. “Psychotherapy doesn’t cause sexual dysfunction and is effective, especially in mild-to-moderate depression,” Clayton says. Exercise also helps; it enhances mood and energy, and it boosts blood flow to the genitals.


Your man is Viagra-ized.

The “Viagra-ization” of men, as Krychman calls it, isn’t just happening to seniors. Younger men are taking the erectile-dysfunction drug, too, sometimes just to enhance sexual performance. The result can be a physical and emotional disconnect in bed. “The man takes the medication and is ready to go, but the woman needs more time to get aroused, to get connected.” The sexes tend to deal with anxiety in opposite ways, too, Clayton says. Men head to the bedroom to relieve stress, while women often need to be relaxed to even have sex.


Sex Rx:
Clayton suggests finding time for some nonthreatening and nonjudgmental sex talk (not in bed), during which a woman can discuss what she needs in bed to even the playing field.


You’re sick and tired.

About 10 to 15 percent of the women Krychman treats for low libido end up having an endocrine problem, such as undiagnosed thyroid disease, which can affect menstrual functioning and lead to exhaustion, depression, low sexual desire, and fertility problems. Women who have chronic illnesses –such as fibromyalgia, anemia, diabetes, or rheumatoid arthritis –may not be in the mood, either, thanks to fatigue or body pain. And women who have diabetes may also experience poor lubrication, low arousal, and a propensity for yeast infections.

Sex Rx:
Once a thyroid condition or anemia is detected and corrected, any associated symptoms should dissipate. If you’re battling a chronic disease, you should take the focus off of the intercourse and explore other ways to achieve sexual and sensual pleasure, Clayton says.

Posted by Sir. Sexy Cruiser at 20:14:01 | Permalink | No Comments »

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

14 Embarrassing Sex Questions
– Answered

14 Embarrassing Sex Questions – Answered

Women’s nether regions are often considered terra incognita… mysterious, dark places that are unfamiliar even to women themselves. We first shed light on the matter by answering fourteen embarrassing sex questions. We rounded up sexual health experts to weigh in on subjects that women are often too red-faced to discuss with their gynecologists – or even their girlfriends. We asked the blunt questions, and they answered. Read on to get the lowdown on what’s really going on down low. And for even more sex education, ladies OH yes,  your sexual health …

1. Why aren’t my breasts a perfectly matched set?
Unless they’ve been surgically altered, most women’s breasts are not perfectly matched. That’s because breasts are made of mammary gland tissue and fat, and there are naturally different amounts in each, explains Dr. Glenn Updike, assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Magee Women’s Hospital in Pittsburgh.

All women have some difference in their breasts; for some, the difference is more pronounced. Usually, this is only a cosmetic, and sometimes comfort, issue. (If it’s embarrassing or impacting your sex life, surgical remedies are available.) However, while different-sized breasts are common, if one breast suddenly becomes much larger than the other it could indicate an infection or tumor, so have your gynecologist evaluate it immediately.

2. Is it normal to pass gas during orgasm?
When you climax, the muscles around your genitals – including the sphincter muscle – relax, and when they do, it’s not unusual for a little gas to escape, says Dr. Millicent Comrie, MPH, founder and medical director of the Long Island College Center for Women’s Health in Brooklyn. But even before orgasm, because the penis rubs against the anus through the vaginal wall, the in-and-out motion may trigger gas, Comrie says. If it’s a frequent problem and really embarrassing to you, she suggests taking an over-the-counter anti-gas medication that contains simethicone before having sex.

3. If I had a dream about having sex with another woman, does that mean I’m gay or bisexual?
Not necessarily, says Michele Sugg, a certified sex therapist in Branford, Connecticut, and member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. It could mean you’re attracted to women (or a particular woman), but it could also mean you’re missing the closeness that friendships with women brings. “Sometimes women symbolize nurturance, love and closeness,” Sugg explains. “If you’re in a relationship with a guy and you’re not getting enough closeness, a dream like this might symbolize that you need more of that.”

It’s important to remember that an erotic dream doesn’t define your sexual identity. “Even if it means you feel sexually attracted to another woman, you don’t need to pigeonhole yourself,” Sugg says. “A lot of studies find that women’s sexuality is more fluid. Maybe at times you’ll be attracted to women and at times you won’t be. There’s a scale rather than being gay, straight or bi.” 

4. Is a cold sore the same as herpes?
Cold sores don’t seem to carry the same stigma as genital herpes. But the fact is, strains of the same herpes simplex virus cause cold sores on the lips (and other areas of the face, chest, even the fingers), as well as the blisters around the genitals.

Herpes simplex virus 1 (HSV-1) usually occurs above the waist (generally through kissing or sharing eating utensils), while herpes simplex virus 2 (HSV-2) usually occurs below the waist (generally through sexual contact). But the reality is that you can get either virus in either area through oral-genital contact. “People aren’t as embarrassed to say ‘I get cold sores’, but fewer people are apt to bring up that they have genital herpes, although both of them could be in either place,” Updike says. Genital HSV-1 actually appears to be on the rise among adolescents, according to Comrie, “because they’re having oral sex instead of intercourse.” While both HSV1 and HSV2 are treatable, neither are curable.

Health experts say the popular belief that cold sores are benign stems from social perception – not medical reality. Actually, the virus strain that causes cold sores can, in some cases, also cause serious eye and brain infections. It’s estimated that 50%-80% of American adults have oral herpes, while 20% have genital herpes.

5. Can certain exercises really lead to better sex?
Absolutely. For starters, a good cardiovascular routine helps build energy and stamina. In addition, strength training and stretching can help you build muscles and improve your flexibility so you can get into – and maintain – various positions during sex.

The best exercise to improve sex is the Kegel squeeze – basically strength training for your pubococcygeus (or PC) muscles, which hold up your vagina, anus, uterus, bladder, and urethra. “The stronger these muscles are, the more intense your orgasms will be,” says Chicago sex and relationship therapist Laura Berman, Ph.D., author of Passion Prescription (Hyperion 2006).

To locate your PC muscles, try stopping the flow of urine when you pee. Hold the squeeze for five seconds, then release. Doing 50 to 150 Kegel squeezes a day will help keep those muscles in good sex shape. (Avoid doing Kegels regularly while urinating; it can lead to urinary tract and bladder infections.) “It builds the vaginal muscle up so you can really tighten around your partner,” Comrie says.

6. Is cybersex really cheating?
Those who take a Clintonian view of sex may not consider a volley of provocative emails to be cheating, given that the participants are only exchanging thoughts or fantasies, not bodily fluids. But ask yourself if you’d want your partner to read your exchange and if he’d be hurt, angry or resentful if he did. “If your partner wouldn’t feel comfortable with what you’re doing, you’re probably out of bounds in terms of your relationship agreement,” Sugg says. If the answer is yes, try to figure out what you’re looking for online that’s missing from your relationship. Maybe you’re bored with your sex life. Or your husband sees you as the mother of his children, while you still feel like a sex kitten. Or you want to try something extraordinary like role play or light bondage or even going to a sex party.

Rather than act out online, consider talking about it with your partner and expanding your sex life together. “When people can talk about their needs, there’s less It’s not cheating because it’s virtual,” Sugg says. Besides, real sex beats virtual sex any day.
 

7. Will my vagina be noticeably bigger after I have a baby?
If you push a baby out through your vagina, you can expect some stretching. “After delivery, the vaginal opening is anywhere from one to four centimeters bigger than it was before,” says Dr. Bruce Rosenzweig, director of urogynecology at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago. Whether your private parts snap back to pre-delivery size after your recovery depends on how big your baby was, how long you pushed, how well your OB repaired any tears, and whether you’re diligent about doing your postpartum Kegel exercises. “If you do those Kegel exercises to strengthen the vaginal muscles, the outcome is better,” Comrie says. If you had an episiotomy and your OB was meticulous about sewing it up, she adds, “you could be better than before.”

That said, after multiple deliveries, your vagina may still feel a bit roomier, and you may want more tightening than you’ll get from marathon Kegel sessions. If so, ask your gynecologist about vaginal reconstruction (aka perineoplasty or vaginoplasty), which can help lift and tighten the sagging muscles at the vagina’s opening and deeper inside.

8. I’ve never had an orgasm during intercourse. Is something wrong with me?
“If you can’t have orgasms with intercourse, you’re normal,” assures Stephanie Buehler, Psy.D., director of the Buehler Institute for sex therapy in Irvine, California. “Sometimes women get upset because their partners say “My last lover could have orgasms, so there must be something wrong with you.”

Now, assuming you don’t kick him to the curb for being an insensitive cad, you’re well within your rights to point out that about 70% of women don’t orgasm during intercourse without direct clitoral stimulation. You can also clue him in to the fact that it’s perfectly OK for one of you to lend a hand. “Touching your clitoris during sex really ups the chances that you’ll have an orgasm,” says Carol Queen, Ph.D., staff sexologist for the online sex toy boutique Good Vibrations (GoodVibes.com).

If you’ve never experienced an orgasm – and about 10% of women have not – you might consider investing in some slippery lube (not oil, which can irritate sensitive vaginal tissues) and spend some time experimenting alone. Don’t get discouraged if there are no immediate fireworks. “The first time, it might take an hour of stimulation to produce an orgasm; it might also take many tries to get comfortable with the feelings of strong arousal,” Buehler says.
9. Where’s my G spot?
That’s the million-dollar sex question. Some researchers don’t believe in the G spot; others staunchly defend its existence but disagree about its exact location. One school of sex researchers maintains that the G spot is the glandular tissue around the urethra (found behind your pubic bone, about two inches inside your vagina). Others believe it’s really farther back, in a triangular area on the back of the bladder wall – called the trigone or T Zone – where three nerves come together. It’s probably some combination of these. But if your partner’s plucking the right strings, so to speak, does it matter which instrument he’s playing?

10. Can anal sex give me hemorrhoids?
Not as long as you’re relaxed and enjoying it, assures Ellen Barnard, MSSW, a sex educator/counselor and co-founder of A Woman’s Touch in Madison, Wisconsin (a-womans-touch.com). Hemorrhoids (painful swollen veins in the anal area) can result from excess pressure around your anus – say, when you’re really straining to go to the bathroom. But when you use a good lubricant and the penetration feels comfortable, not forced, there’s no risk of “backdoor sex” causing hemorrhoids.

In fact, some sex researchers believe tush play may actually prevent hemorrhoids. “It improves the strength and flexibility of the skin and muscles so that the anus is better able to respond to pressure, rather than bulging and producing hemorrhoids,” Barnard says.

11. Why don’t my privates look like a centerfold’s?
Beyond the extensive airbrushing magazine photos undergo, the hard truth is that even if you started with a nice, tight package, child birthing changes everything. Once you push a couple of 8- to 10-pound babies through the birth canal, things down there are gonna look more like Mary Poppins’ carpet bag than a cute little change purse.

Indeed, according Rosenzweig, some women’s vaginas sag so much that they complain of discomfort while walking.

Age is, not surprisingly, another culprit. You don’t expect to look like the pouty-lipped young things in Clearasil ads when you’re 45, right? Well, just as the lips around your mouth can thin with age, so can the lips in your southern hemisphere. “Women lose fat in that area, the elasticity and tone of the tissue decreases and the inner vaginal lips droop,” explains Dr. Dolores Kent, a Beverly Hills ob/gyn and cosmetic surgeon.

But in the same way women can opt for Restalyne or collagen to fill and plump, those who want to recapture the vaginas of their youth can have labiaplasty (trimming up the inner lips) and/or perineoplasty (tightening the vaginal opening). Although some women “have their vaginas done” because vaginal changes cause medical problems or make sex uncomfortable, Kent says that 85% of the women who come to her for such procedures are worried about aesthetics. “They’ve seen the men’s magazines and feel their vulvas aren’t pretty,” she says.

12. If I’m uncomfortable with how I smell down there, can I change it?
Sure, but you’re probably worrying needlessly, says Dr. Mary Jane Minkin, clinical director of obstetrics and gynecology at Yale University School of Medicine in New Haven, Connecticut. “Most of the women who come in saying I smell really bad smell fine,” she says. Still, if you’re concerned, see your gyn because strong odor (and discharge) is a sign of a bacterial infection. If there’s no infection and you’re still worried about your scent, avoiding spicy or pungent foods may help, Rosenzweig says.

Minkin often recommends an over-the-counter product called Rephresh that rebalances the vagina’s pH and makes you more fragrant. Don’t use douches or feminine sprays. Not only are they irritating, they can alter the vagina’s natural flora, which increases your risk of getting an infection and can mask an existing one.


13. Do I have a greater risk for infection if my genitals are pierced?
“It’s probably not a great idea to have foreign objects around your genitalia because areas that are prone to moisture and intimate contact are very attractive to bacteria,” Rosenzweig says. “But if you have great hygiene and a normal immune system, a genital piercing isn’t going to increase your risk for yeast infections or bacterial vaginosis.”

Still, some people always have a little redness or irritation around pierced areas, even when they’re in ho-hum spots like ears, noses or navels. So, if your piercing seems perpetually inflamed, take it out.

14. If I have been diagnosed with HPV once in the past, do I still have it? And am I still at risk for cervical cancer?
If you’ve had sex, you’ve probably bumped into human papilloma virus (HPV) – about 80% of sexually active people have been exposed to at least one of the 30 known strains of HPV. However, in the vast majority of cases – 90% – the infection clears up on its own. Odds are, you won’t even realize you had it. The thing to keep in mind is that while most HPV viruses come and go without notice, about 10 strains can increase your risk of developing cervical cancer.

The best way to protect yourself is with routine Pap tests, which look for changes in the cervix that could eventually become cancer. “We don’t know why some women develop cervical cancer and others don’t,” says Dr. Thomas Herzog, director of the division of gynecologic oncology at Columbia University in New York City. “But there are millions of women with HPV and just over 11,000 cases of cervical cancer in the U.S. each year, so if you’re screened regularly, it’s very unlikely you’ll develop cervical cancer. And if you did it would be caught extremely early and likely completely cured.”

Most women over 30 who’ve had three consecutive normal Paps are now advised to be screened only every two to three years. If you’re under 26, consider getting the new HPV vaccine, Gardasil, which protects against the four main strains of HPV responsible for about 70% of cervical cancers.

Posted by Sir. Sexy Cruiser at 00:37:20 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Monday, August 20, 2007

Anal SEX can be safe, but you need to take precautions, LADIES.

 

Anal sex can be safe, but you need to take precautions.

Rule number one: Anything that touches the anus shouldn’t be touching anything else. Never ever take the penis out of the anus and put it into the vagina. That can lead to serious infections and other complications. After any kind of anal play, you should immediately change condoms and wash the relevant body parts thoroughly.

You also need to worry about sexually transmitted diseases.  AIDS; herpes, genital warts, syphilis, and gonorrhea can all be transmitted through anal sex. You simply shouldn’t be having anal sex without a condom; it’s not worth the risk to either partner.

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Posted by Sir. Sexy Cruiser at 01:13:36 | Permalink | No Comments »