Thursday, November 5, 2009

She Chooses Anal Sex (ANAL for Beginners)

They’re the three little words millions of lonely hearts long to hear. Words that imply a great deal of mutual trust, caring, and comfort. Words that could change your love life forever …

You ladies saying, “Let’s do anal.”

Experts estimate one in four straight couples have had anal sex, arguably making it the most popular of sexual taboos. Yet while many people are at the very least curious enough to try it, few go about it the right way. The result? They have a negative experience, and never do it again.

In order to enjoy anal sex, couples need to have some idea of what they’re doing, and to be able to communicate with each other. Of course, talking frankly about a ding-dong in a yoo-hoo can be tough. “Our asses carry with them so much cultural baggage,” says Tristan Taormino, author of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex For Women. “Most of us are taught at a young age that our butts are dirty, that they shouldn’t be shared with others, that they are not a source of pleasure—all of which aren’t true.”

Despite that (or perhaps because of it), the idea of anal sex is often a turn-on. Men like the promise of tightness and friction, and both partners can appreciate the allure of unique physical sensations coupled with domination/submission. Think those qualities make it deviant?

Maybe so, but they also make it intensely intimate. As porn star Jenna Jameson wrote of anal sex in her 2004 autobiography, “I’ve only given that up to three men, all of whom I really loved. Doing it on camera would be compromising myself.”

There’s no “right” way to begin exploring, but it’s probably wise to start with something less ambitious than a penis. Richard and Lola* had been together for four months when he put his hand on her butt during sex. “I realized I really wanted to put my finger in her ass, but I was hesitant because we’d never done that before,” says Richard, a 34-year-old physicist in San Francisco. “Without a word, she grabbed my hand and put it there for me. It was amazing.”

Later, in the middle of particularly intense sex, an overzealous Richard aimed himself a bit too far south. He realized his mistake and pulled away, but Lola pulled him back. They proceeded to have first-time, undiscussed anal sex without lube—and loved it.

“I’ve since discovered that’s not a good way to do it,” says Lola, 32, a lawyer. “But that night I had the most powerful orgasm of my life. It’s one of the hottest things you can do, but you definitely have to be in the mood. Someone can’t just spring it on you.”

Outside of MTV shows and comedies, most people aren’t eager to talk about their butts—especially with their partners. But it doesn’t need to be a face-reddening experience. “If you and your partner speak openly and directly about sex, then be open and direct about your anal desires,” Taormino says. “If you’re unsure about how your partner may respond, bring it up in an indirect way.”

When you decide to try it out, go very slowly. Most couples agree that anal sex only works when both people are very turned on, so spend time building up to it doing whatever gets you going—oral sex, vaginal sex, watching old episodes of Hart to Hart. And remember what Mother told you: Anything you stick up a butt should be generously coated with a heavy water-based lube like Astroglide Gel or Maximus.

That can’t be stressed enough. Unlike the vagina and much like the internal combustion engine, the anus is not self-lubricating. Insufficiently lubed, you’re susceptible to tiny internal tears, which can cause pain and infection, and encourage the spread of STDs. But that doesn’t mean anal sex is inherently more dangerous. As long as you use a condom and there’s enough lube, you’ll be reasonably safe. To avoid nasty bacterial infections, remember that it’s like stroking a porcupine: You can go front to back, but never back to front.

Sex toys can augment the experience. Nonporous, easy-to-clean silicone is the best material for butt plugs, vibrators, or dildos; a flared base will prevent an awkward trip to the ER for, uh, extraction. “We started with a small butt plug we got online,” says Heather, a 38-year-old New York City nonprofit executive who convinced her husband—yes, he was the wary one—to try anal. “Then we moved on to sex, and it was totally unique. I have to do it in a place where no one else is around because I’m worried about people hearing me—I’m always a lot louder.”

No single position is ideal, but the receiver should be in control. Missionary works; woman-on-top lets her control the depth of penetration; and spooning allows the man a perfect angle. Doggie-style provides great G-spot stimulation, with the woman either on all fours or with her head on the bed and butt in the air (yogis call it “Foraging Anteater Pose”). To make sure the man doesn’t thrust too deep, he should enter, stop, and wait for her to get used to the feeling.
Or is it the other way around?
“The ass is the most democratic orifice—we all have one,” Taormino begins ominously. “What lots of men don’t realize is just how good it can feel for them, because the prostate gland can be directly stimulated. In fact, every man should get sodomized in the ass at least once before he dies.”

Maybe this isn’t an idea everyone is totally comfortable with, but turnabout is fair anal play.

Ladies needs strap-on!


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*Names in this story have been changed.

Posted by Sir. Sexy Cruiser at 03:04:46 | Permalink | No Comments »

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Analingus Sex Positions
(from the secret notebook of
Sir. Sex Cruiser)

 

Best Positions for Analingus
 
Here are some suggestions to get you started. Experiment and find what works best for you and your partner.

  1. Lying Down

    This is the most natural position for many people and probably the easiest for beginners. Just roll your partner onto their stomach and start nosing around their bum or licking the small of their back. Before you know it, you’ll be down in the valley. For a better angle and access, have your partner raise their hips slightly and slide a pillow underneath their pelvis. This will raise their butt up and make their cheeks easier to spread. This may progress naturally to them getting up on their knees in a kneeling or crouching position, pushing their ass eagerly into your face.

  2. Yoga

    These positions work well if your partner is athletic or limber. The recipient lays on the bed and assumes a shoulder-stand position (legs and torso in the air, with weight supported on the neck and shoulders). With their ass pointing up, you can kneel upright on the bed and bury your face in it from either side. If you position yourself near your partner’s head, they can rest their legs or knees on your shoulders.

    If your partner’s spine is really flexible, they can expose their ass to you fully by placing their feet on the bed above their head, or even placing their knees on either side of their head. This is also a perfect position for guys to attempt autofellatio.

  3. Standing

 

If the person to be eatenI is standing up you can crouch down behind them. Here you have easy access to raise your hands and separate their cheeks for a clear shot to that puckered hole. Many people find crouching for any length of time to be uncomfortable. Try sitting in a chair and have your partner stand in front of you with your knees between their legs. Now you have the same access, but because you are sitting in a chair, you have far more leverage to get into some serious eating.

Another variation on the standing recipient is to have them put one leg up on something — chair, a step, the edge of the bathtub. It all depends on what’s handy where you happen to be. The raised leg not only helps separate the cheeks for you, but it exposes the perineum for your tongue to tend to.

4. Bending Over

If your partner bends over while receiving, it give you a more straightforward angle to approach their hole. Instead of having to tilt your head so that you are coming up from underneath, you can aim directly for the center of their vertical smile. You also have an easy reach to fondle his testicles or her clit.

Try having your partner lean over something that is more than waist high so their feet dangle just above the floor. A kitchen counter or a porch railing often works well for this. If you do happen to be in the kitchen, try covering that ass with whip cream before you start eating. Add some chocolate sauce and nuts and you’ll have a butt sundae.

5.  Sit on My Face

Lay down on the bed with your head laying back over the edge of the mattress. Have your partner back up and squat down onto your face. When they become tired of squatting they can lean back and lay across your body. This is an especially good position if you like to do the eating. With your partners ass shoved so tightly to your mouth, you feel compelled to work your tongue in as deeply as is humanly possible.

The other variation is the always popular 69 position, where one partner squats over the other, and the partner on the bottom raises their knees up to allow access to their hole. This way you can eat each other’s asses. And if you don’t want to argue over who’s on top, try laying on your sides and bend around until you each have your faces comfortably in the other’s crack.

 
        SIR. SEXY CRUIUSER              Playmate   Notebook                                                                 June 25th 1999
Posted by Sir. Sexy Cruiser at 00:13:46 | Permalink | No Comments »

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Top Five Tips for Eating Ass ( Analingues)

Top Five Tips for Eating Ass
 
1. Clean up

Cleanliness is even more of a issue with analingus than with tradition oral sex. Taking a sexy bath or shower together is a relaxing form of foreplay and will allow your partner to get squeaky clean. You or your partner should soap their butt and asshole (anus), inserting a finger into the rectum, and rinse thoroughly with warm water. An enema usually isn’t necessary if you wash well.
 


2. Ease in

Let you partner relax and get comfortable with you exploring their posterior before you bury your tongue in their ass. Massage their back and buttocks, kiss and caress their thighs and ass cheeks. Spread their cheeks and blow warm breaths over their hole. Lick, suck, and nibble their butt, perineum (the area of skin between the asshole and genitals), and the skin around their pucker. Get everything warm, wet, and lubricated with saliva. Assholes usually contract when stimulated, and then expand. Lick gently or tap the tip of your tongue against their asshole, and wait for a response. After a bit of gentle probing, the sphincter muscles should start to relax and welcome deeper exploration.

3. Work your tongue

The anal region is full of sensitive nerve endings just begging for your tongue’s caress. Keep your mouth moist and supple as you work their hole over. Keep your tongue loose and paint wide circle around their pucker. Make it tight, long and pointed to probe and penetrate. Work it in and out, around and around, till your partner begs for more.


4. Use your hands

In some ass-eating positions, your hands may be full keeping your partner’s butt cheeks spread to allow you better access to their hole. But it’s worthwhile to convince them to either sit on your face or reach back and clamp their ass open wide themselves. That way you can put your own paws to work massaging your partner’s clit, or stroking off his cock, or tweaking his or her nipples.

5. Pig out

Once you’ve got your face in your partner’s butt, don’t hold back. Worship your partner’s ass. Get lost in it, make love to it. Eating out someone’s ass is one of the most intimate of all sexual acts. If both partners approach it with openness and enthusiasm, they will be rewarded with unparalleled enjoyment, whether eating ass is a main course, a spicy side dish, or appetizer for anal sex.
Posted by Sir. Sexy Cruiser at 23:35:28 | Permalink | No Comments »

Is Analingus Safe?

Is Analingus Safe?
 

Let’s face it: no matter how pink, puckered, squeaky clean, and appealing your partner’s asshole is, you know what comes out of it. And you’re putting your tongue up there. How healthy can that be? It’s natural to be concerned about contracting an infection or disease through oral-to-anal contact. For answers about the risks associated with analingus (also called eating ass, rimming, or tossing salad), we went straight to the horse’s mouth — the Centers for Disease Control (CDC).

STDs and More

The intestinal tract is filled with bacteria that are part of the digestive process; these do not pose any health threat. However, eating ass will expose you to any bad germs or infections harbored in your partner’s intestinal tract or anal area. The CDC warns that “rimming carries a risk of transmission of STDs including hepatitis A. There is also risk of intestinal parasites, like cryptosporidiosis.”

In addition, the CDC cautions that “immunocompromised persons are suggested to avoid performing this activity.” So if you aren’t in good health and have an immune deficiency (say from AIDS or chemotherapy), eating ass could put you at serious risk.

Here’s a rundown of some of the diseases you could be exposed to when eating ass:

  • Hepatitis A: Hepatitis A is a virus spread through oral contact with the fecal matter of an infected person. It affects the liver and causes symptoms such as jaundice, fatigue, and nausea. It is not a chronic infection, unlike hepatitis C. Hepatitis A can be prevented with a vaccine given before or shortly after exposure.
     
  • E. coli: This is a bacterial infection spread through oral contact with the fecal matter of an infected person. Its symptoms include diarrhea, vomiting, and intestinal bleeding.
     
  • Intestinal parasites: These are microbial organisms that cause intestinal diseases including cryptosporidiosis, dysentery, and giardiasis. Symptoms include diarrhea, fever, and stomach pain. Again, these are spread through oral contact with the fecal matter of an infected person.
     
  • Bacterial infections: If a person contracts food poisoning, the bacteria that causes it, say salmonella for example, will be shed in their feces and could be transmitted through oral-anal contact. Symptoms include diarrhea and vomiting.
     
  • Other STDs: If the receiving partner has a rectal gonorrhea infection, it could be contracted by the active partner; gonorrhea can infect the mouth and throat. This means that theoretically a person with an oral gonorrhea infection could transmit it to the ass that they’re eating. Other STDs that can be transmitted through oral-anal contact include syphilis and herpes, if either partner has an active lesion in their mouth or anal area.

HIV Risk?

Finally some good news: your chances of being infected with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, are pretty low while eating ass. The CDC reports that the HIV virus is not found in feces itself. And the amount of HIV that can be present in saliva is too small to infect another person, making mouth-to-ass infection unlikely. According to the CDC, “There would not be a risk of HIV transmission unless blood was also transmitted between partners (such as if the performing partner was infected and had blood in his mouth).” Or if the recipient was bleeding from the ass and the active partner had an open cut or sore in his or her mouth.

Playing It Safe

You can protect against transmission of diseases by using a barrier during analingus. You can use a latex dental dam, or make a barrier by cutting the end off an unlubricated condom and then slitting it lengthwise. Many people also use plastic wrap; although it hasn’t been scientifically tested as a disease barrier, it does prevent the transmission of body fluids. For extra sensation, place a dab of lubricant on the side of the barrier that will go against your partner’s ass. Hold the barrier in place firmly, and place your tongue against it to lick and probe their asshole.

The Bottom Line

If both you and your partner are healthy, your risk of contracting a disease through analingus is probably pretty low. However, there is always some risk in oral-anal contact, and there are a number of diseases that can be transmitted through this route. You can make the act of eating ass safer by using a barrier between your mouth and your partner’s asshole.

Posted by Sir. Sexy Cruiser at 23:31:16 | Permalink | No Comments »

Sunday, April 20, 2008

The Rules of BDSM:Safe, Sane,
and Consensual

The Rules of BDSM: Safe, Sane,
 and Consensual

By: SEXY CRUISER

In the Lifestyle of BDSM, there is one thing that remains consistant: The Rule of Three (Safe, Sane, and Consensual). It is the guideline by which all things are done, from meeting, to negotiation, to play and quite often to a relationship itself. When things are Safe, Sane, and Consensual, the margin for error is drastically reduced, and all participants feel more at ease.

As an example, I can use alcohol and drug use to show how this rule can affect us. If a person is under the influence of alcohol or drugs, (which, incidentally, alcohol IS A DRUG), would you ever consider playing/sceneing with that person? Think about it: Alcohol is a depressant. If a scene got intense and that person under the influence was either unable or unwilling to respond to a need, how safe or sane is that?

Drugs are also a bad idea, for the same reason. If a person were high, stoned or cranked, I know that I am sure as hell you wouldn’t want to scene with him! That’s downright crazy! Sceneing with a person under the influence is often thought of as a cry for help amongst BDSM-knowledgeable suicide preventions workers!

Slaves and subs, when they scene with a Dom/me, are literally putting their lives in the Dominant’s hands. A trustworthy, caring Dominant can take the slave/sub into the farthest reaches of the galaxy of subspace, and quite often s/he is delighted to do so. A Dom/me that is doped-up or drunk can literally kill or severely injure the playmate. One wrong move during ass-play or bondage scenes, and it’s all over.

On the other side of that equation, a slave/sub must also be clear headed going into things, so that, if necessary, the slave can use a given safeword at any time. Drunk or toked subs/slaves seem to have excessive difficulty with this, and so are more apt to get themselves hurt or killed.

Simply put, if you or your potential partner has indulged in some drinks or a few drugs, (yes, pot counts!), do NOT scene! It’s a deadly combination, something that no one will call Safe, Sane, or Consensual. It’s NOT Safe, it’s NOT Sane, and under the influence, often people tend to forget what happened the night/day before, so even if drunken/stoned consent is given, it’s still NOT Consensual!

Keep this in mind next time you go to play. Make sure alcohol is not an option in your negotiations and play, and please keep it Safe, Sane, and Consensual.

Keep it fun. Keep it REAL.
Posted by Sir. Sexy Cruiser at 14:42:32 | Permalink | No Comments »

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

14 Embarrassing Sex Questions
– Answered
14 Embarrassing Sex Questions – Answered

Women’s nether regions are often considered terra incognita… mysterious, dark places that are unfamiliar even to women themselves. We first shed light on the matter by answering fourteen embarrassing sex questions. We rounded up sexual health experts to weigh in on subjects that women are often too red-faced to discuss with their gynecologists – or even their girlfriends. We asked the blunt questions, and they answered. Read on to get the lowdown on what’s really going on down low. And for even more sex education, ladies OH yes,  your sexual health …

1. Why aren’t my breasts a perfectly matched set?
 Unless they’ve been surgically altered, most women’s breasts are not perfectly matched. That’s because breasts are made of mammary gland tissue and fat, and there are naturally different amounts in each, explains Dr. Glenn Updike, assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Magee Women’s Hospital in Pittsburgh.

All women have some difference in their breasts; for some, the difference is more pronounced. Usually, this is only a cosmetic, and sometimes comfort, issue. (If it’s embarrassing or impacting your sex life, surgical remedies are available.) However, while different-sized breasts are common, if one breast suddenly becomes much larger than the other it could indicate an infection or tumor, so have your gynecologist evaluate it immediately.
2. Is it normal to pass gas during orgasm?
 When you climax, the muscles around your genitals – including the sphincter muscle – relax, and when they do, it’s not unusual for a little gas to escape, says Dr. Millicent Comrie, MPH, founder and medical director of the Long Island College Center for Women’s Health in Brooklyn. But even before orgasm, because the penis rubs against the anus through the vaginal wall, the in-and-out motion may trigger gas, Comrie says. If it’s a frequent problem and really embarrassing to you, she suggests taking an over-the-counter anti-gas medication that contains simethicone before having sex.

3. If I had a dream about having sex with another woman, does that mean I’m gay or bisexual?
 Not necessarily, says Michele Sugg, a certified sex therapist in Branford, Connecticut, and member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. It could mean you’re attracted to women (or a particular woman), but it could also mean you’re missing the closeness that friendships with women brings. “Sometimes women symbolize nurturance, love and closeness,” Sugg explains. “If you’re in a relationship with a guy and you’re not getting enough closeness, a dream like this might symbolize that you need more of that.”

It’s important to remember that an erotic dream doesn’t define your sexual identity. “Even if it means you feel sexually attracted to another woman, you don’t need to pigeonhole yourself,” Sugg says. “A lot of studies find that women’s sexuality is more fluid. Maybe at times you’ll be attracted to women and at times you won’t be. There’s a scale rather than being gay, straight or bi.” 

4. Is a cold sore the same as herpes?
 Cold sores don’t seem to carry the same stigma as genital herpes. But the fact is, strains of the same herpes simplex virus cause cold sores on the lips (and other areas of the face, chest, even the fingers), as well as the blisters around the genitals.

Herpes simplex virus 1 (HSV-1) usually occurs above the waist (generally through kissing or sharing eating utensils), while herpes simplex virus 2 (HSV-2) usually occurs below the waist (generally through sexual contact). But the reality is that you can get either virus in either area through oral-genital contact. “People aren’t as embarrassed to say ‘I get cold sores’, but fewer people are apt to bring up that they have genital herpes, although both of them could be in either place,” Updike says. Genital HSV-1 actually appears to be on the rise among adolescents, according to Comrie, “because they’re having oral sex instead of intercourse.” While both HSV1 and HSV2 are treatable, neither are curable.

Health experts say the popular belief that cold sores are benign stems from social perception – not medical reality. Actually, the virus strain that causes cold sores can, in some cases, also cause serious eye and brain infections. It’s estimated that 50%-80% of American adults have oral herpes, while 20% have genital herpes.

5. Can certain exercises really lead to better sex?
 Absolutely. For starters, a good cardiovascular routine helps build energy and stamina. In addition, strength training and stretching can help you build muscles and improve your flexibility so you can get into – and maintain – various positions during sex.

The best exercise to improve sex is the Kegel squeeze – basically strength training for your pubococcygeus (or PC) muscles, which hold up your vagina, anus, uterus, bladder, and urethra. “The stronger these muscles are, the more intense your orgasms will be,” says Chicago sex and relationship therapist Laura Berman, Ph.D., author of Passion Prescription (Hyperion 2006).

To locate your PC muscles, try stopping the flow of urine when you pee. Hold the squeeze for five seconds, then release. Doing 50 to 150 Kegel squeezes a day will help keep those muscles in good sex shape. (Avoid doing Kegels regularly while urinating; it can lead to urinary tract and bladder infections.) “It builds the vaginal muscle up so you can really tighten around your partner,” Comrie says.

6. Is cybersex really cheating?
 Those who take a Clintonian view of sex may not consider a volley of provocative emails to be cheating, given that the participants are only exchanging thoughts or fantasies, not bodily fluids. But ask yourself if you’d want your partner to read your exchange and if he’d be hurt, angry or resentful if he did. “If your partner wouldn’t feel comfortable with what you’re doing, you’re probably out of bounds in terms of your relationship agreement,” Sugg says. If the answer is yes, try to figure out what you’re looking for online that’s missing from your relationship. Maybe you’re bored with your sex life. Or your husband sees you as the mother of his children, while you still feel like a sex kitten. Or you want to try something extraordinary like role play or light bondage or even going to a sex party.

Rather than act out online, consider talking about it with your partner and expanding your sex life together. “When people can talk about their needs, there’s less It’s not cheating because it’s virtual,” Sugg says. Besides, real sex beats virtual sex any day.
 

7. Will my vagina be noticeably bigger after I have a baby?
 If you push a baby out through your vagina, you can expect some stretching. “After delivery, the vaginal opening is anywhere from one to four centimeters bigger than it was before,” says Dr. Bruce Rosenzweig, director of urogynecology at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago. Whether your private parts snap back to pre-delivery size after your recovery depends on how big your baby was, how long you pushed, how well your OB repaired any tears, and whether you’re diligent about doing your postpartum Kegel exercises. “If you do those Kegel exercises to strengthen the vaginal muscles, the outcome is better,” Comrie says. If you had an episiotomy and your OB was meticulous about sewing it up, she adds, “you could be better than before.”

That said, after multiple deliveries, your vagina may still feel a bit roomier, and you may want more tightening than you’ll get from marathon Kegel sessions. If so, ask your gynecologist about vaginal reconstruction (aka perineoplasty or vaginoplasty), which can help lift and tighten the sagging muscles at the vagina’s opening and deeper inside.

8. I’ve never had an orgasm during intercourse. Is something wrong with me?
 “If you can’t have orgasms with intercourse, you’re normal,” assures Stephanie Buehler, Psy.D., director of the Buehler Institute for sex therapy in Irvine, California. “Sometimes women get upset because their partners say “My last lover could have orgasms, so there must be something wrong with you.”

Now, assuming you don’t kick him to the curb for being an insensitive cad, you’re well within your rights to point out that about 70% of women don’t orgasm during intercourse without direct clitoral stimulation. You can also clue him in to the fact that it’s perfectly OK for one of you to lend a hand. “Touching your clitoris during sex really ups the chances that you’ll have an orgasm,” says Carol Queen, Ph.D., staff sexologist for the online sex toy boutique Good Vibrations (GoodVibes.com).

If you’ve never experienced an orgasm – and about 10% of women have not – you might consider investing in some slippery lube (not oil, which can irritate sensitive vaginal tissues) and spend some time experimenting alone. Don’t get discouraged if there are no immediate fireworks. “The first time, it might take an hour of stimulation to produce an orgasm; it might also take many tries to get comfortable with the feelings of strong arousal,” Buehler says.
9. Where’s my G spot?
 That’s the million-dollar sex question. Some researchers don’t believe in the G spot; others staunchly defend its existence but disagree about its exact location. One school of sex researchers maintains that the G spot is the glandular tissue around the urethra (found behind your pubic bone, about two inches inside your vagina). Others believe it’s really farther back, in a triangular area on the back of the bladder wall – called the trigone or T Zone – where three nerves come together. It’s probably some combination of these. But if your partner’s plucking the right strings, so to speak, does it matter which instrument he’s playing?

10. Can anal sex give me hemorrhoids?
 Not as long as you’re relaxed and enjoying it, assures Ellen Barnard, MSSW, a sex educator/counselor and co-founder of A Woman’s Touch in Madison, Wisconsin (a-womans-touch.com). Hemorrhoids (painful swollen veins in the anal area) can result from excess pressure around your anus – say, when you’re really straining to go to the bathroom. But when you use a good lubricant and the penetration feels comfortable, not forced, there’s no risk of “backdoor sex” causing hemorrhoids.

In fact, some sex researchers believe tush play may actually prevent hemorrhoids. “It improves the strength and flexibility of the skin and muscles so that the anus is better able to respond to pressure, rather than bulging and producing hemorrhoids,” Barnard says.

11. Why don’t my privates look like a centerfold’s?
 Beyond the extensive airbrushing magazine photos undergo, the hard truth is that even if you started with a nice, tight package, child birthing changes everything. Once you push a couple of 8- to 10-pound babies through the birth canal, things down there are gonna look more like Mary Poppins’ carpet bag than a cute little change purse.

Indeed, according Rosenzweig, some women’s vaginas sag so much that they complain of discomfort while walking.

Age is, not surprisingly, another culprit. You don’t expect to look like the pouty-lipped young things in Clearasil ads when you’re 45, right? Well, just as the lips around your mouth can thin with age, so can the lips in your southern hemisphere. “Women lose fat in that area, the elasticity and tone of the tissue decreases and the inner vaginal lips droop,” explains Dr. Dolores Kent, a Beverly Hills ob/gyn and cosmetic surgeon.

But in the same way women can opt for Restalyne or collagen to fill and plump, those who want to recapture the vaginas of their youth can have labiaplasty (trimming up the inner lips) and/or perineoplasty (tightening the vaginal opening). Although some women “have their vaginas done” because vaginal changes cause medical problems or make sex uncomfortable, Kent says that 85% of the women who come to her for such procedures are worried about aesthetics. “They’ve seen the men’s magazines and feel their vulvas aren’t pretty,” she says.

12. If I’m uncomfortable with how I smell down there, can I change it?
 Sure, but you’re probably worrying needlessly, says Dr. Mary Jane Minkin, clinical director of obstetrics and gynecology at Yale University School of Medicine in New Haven, Connecticut. “Most of the women who come in saying I smell really bad smell fine,” she says. Still, if you’re concerned, see your gyn because strong odor (and discharge) is a sign of a bacterial infection. If there’s no infection and you’re still worried about your scent, avoiding spicy or pungent foods may help, Rosenzweig says.

Minkin often recommends an over-the-counter product called Rephresh that rebalances the vagina’s pH and makes you more fragrant. Don’t use douches or feminine sprays. Not only are they irritating, they can alter the vagina’s natural flora, which increases your risk of getting an infection and can mask an existing one.


13. Do I have a greater risk for infection if my genitals are pierced?
 “It’s probably not a great idea to have foreign objects around your genitalia because areas that are prone to moisture and intimate contact are very attractive to bacteria,” Rosenzweig says. “But if you have great hygiene and a normal immune system, a genital piercing isn’t going to increase your risk for yeast infections or bacterial vaginosis.”

Still, some people always have a little redness or irritation around pierced areas, even when they’re in ho-hum spots like ears, noses or navels. So, if your piercing seems perpetually inflamed, take it out.
14. If I have been diagnosed with HPV once in the past, do I still have it? And am I still at risk for cervical cancer?
 If you’ve had sex, you’ve probably bumped into human papilloma virus (HPV) – about 80% of sexually active people have been exposed to at least one of the 30 known strains of HPV. However, in the vast majority of cases – 90% – the infection clears up on its own. Odds are, you won’t even realize you had it. The thing to keep in mind is that while most HPV viruses come and go without notice, about 10 strains can increase your risk of developing cervical cancer.

The best way to protect yourself is with routine Pap tests, which look for changes in the cervix that could eventually become cancer. “We don’t know why some women develop cervical cancer and others don’t,” says Dr. Thomas Herzog, director of the division of gynecologic oncology at Columbia University in New York City. “But there are millions of women with HPV and just over 11,000 cases of cervical cancer in the U.S. each year, so if you’re screened regularly, it’s very unlikely you’ll develop cervical cancer. And if you did it would be caught extremely early and likely completely cured.”

Most women over 30 who’ve had three consecutive normal Paps are now advised to be screened only every two to three years. If you’re under 26, consider getting the new HPV vaccine, Gardasil, which protects against the four main strains of HPV responsible for about 70% of cervical cancers.

Posted by Sir. Sexy Cruiser at 00:37:20 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Monday, August 27, 2007

Entry for February 1, 2006 Anal Intercourse and Analingus Answers To Your FEARS!

Anal Intercourse and Analingus

Why would anyone want to have anal sex?

For many people, anal sex is the ultimate taboo. Buttfucking makes it sound crude and dirty, sodomy sounds technical. In the 1990’s, anal sex has been given the bad rap because HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, is most easily transmitted by anal intercourse.
But some people love anal sex. Others hate it. Others haven’t tried it yet and are curious. And many people are attracted to it precisely because it’s so taboo and mysterious.

What is analingus?
One other part of the body that some people enjoy licking, or having licked, is the anus. The anus has half the nerve endings in the pelvic region and many people find touching it to be sexually arousing. Although we haven’t mentioned safer sex yet as part of this series, we will here: the anus and rectum carry many diseases that live quite benignly in your lower digestive tract, but which can be harmful in your mouth or stomach. Performing anilingus is a very risky behavior for a variety of bacterial infections. Refer to the section on safer sex techniques for ways to protect yourself if you or your partner enjoys this activity.

Does anal sex hurt?
Anal sex should not hurt. If it hurts, you’re doing it wrong. With enough lubricant and enough patience, it’s entirely possible to enjoy anal sex as a safe and fulfilling part of your sex life. However, some people may never like it, and if your lover is one of those people, respect their limits. Don’t force the idea upon them.

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Can anal sex actually give pleasure?
The pleasure of anal sex is derived from many things. Doing something “nasty” appeals to many people, especially about sex. Doing something different to spice up a sex life that has become something of a bore can be part of it. And the physical sensations available during anal sex are uniquely different from anything else. The rectum is lined with nerve endings, some of which signal the brain to ‘reward’ you with good feelings when stimulated. For men, the prostate gland can be a source of powerful pleasure. And for a thrusting penis, the ring of the anus can be a new and strong sensation to enjoy.

What do I need to have anal sex?
The most important pieces of advice anyone can give on anal sex are: lubricants, condoms, and patience. The most commonly available lubricant is KY-Jelly, a greaseless, odorless substance available at most drug stores. Better lubricants include Astroglide, ID, Wet, or ForePlay, some of which are available at better drug stores, and most of which are available in some form at adult toy stores.
Do not buy anything that is oil-based. Make sure the lubricant you buy is rated “condom compatible.” Nothing else will do. Oil- based lubricants such as vaseline or baby oil will destroy a condom long before you’re done having sex. And many oil-based sub- stances will coat the lining of the rectum, providing a haven for many potential infections.

Do I have to use a condom?
Even if you’re sure that both you and your partner are disease- free, you should still use a condom. The rectum is home to lots of infectious bacteria that can cause burning and urethritis of the penis. It will also help you clean up afterwards.


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I’m worried that anal sex will be messy.
Anal sex should not be messy. Most first-timers fear that it will be, but most people can tell when they have to go. A condom will help with cleanup, of course, and if you’re really concerned, a commercial enema, like Fleet, will help beforehand.

How do we prepare for anal sex?
Patience is the third and final thing you need to make anal sex possible. Initial penetration is always the most difficult part of anal sex– the anus is a tight ring of flesh at the opening of the rectum designed to control the elimination of bodily waste. It is partially under voluntary control, and partially reflexive to stimulation. Your partner has to relax, and you have to go slow to coax it into opening enough to recieve her/his penis.
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Start with a well-lubricated finger or a slim (smaller than your penis) dildo.

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The dildo is more realistic, but your fingers can flex and feel what they’re doing inside her ass. Slide one finger in slowly, letting her adjust to it. Take your finger all the way out, then push it back in again. Give her anus time to get used to this kind of activity. Then slide a second finger in. Consider how big your penis is and realize that two fingers is probably enough.

What position should we use for anal sex?For actual intercourse, picking a position can be important. Many women want to be on top, to regulate how fast penetration occurs. Other like to lie on their stomachs, or crouch doggy-style, or to be penetrated while lying on their sides. Choose what’s best before you start.
As always, control yourself. Take your time and use lots of lubricant. People who like anal sex say that “too much lube is almost enough.” Listen to her– if she tells you it starts to hurt, back off.
Eventually, a time will come during your lovemaking where her anus will relax enough to allow the head of your cock to ‘pop’ into her. If she is completely relaxed, that pop should feel completely painless. Now just because you’re inside her is no reason to start pounding away like mad. Let her body adjust. Take your time. Eventually you will both be ready for more.

Can I get pregnant from anal sex?
It is not technically possible to get pregnant from anal sex; there is no way for semen to get from the rectal tract to the vaginal tract.
However, anal sex is still not a very good method of birth control. Semen leaking from the anus after intercourse may drip across the perineum (the short stretch of skin separating vulva and anus) and cause what is known as a ’splash’ conception. The failure rate for this is surprisingly high! 8% of couples of who use anal sex as a method of birth control have babies each year.

What if I don’t like it?
You may find that anal sex just isn’t for you. That’s fine. Nothing says that you have to indulge in something that doesn’t make you feel good.

4/10/2006 7:30 pm
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Monday, August 20, 2007

Anal SEX can be safe, but you need to take precautions, LADIES.

 

Anal sex can be safe, but you need to take precautions.

Rule number one: Anything that touches the anus shouldn’t be touching anything else. Never ever take the penis out of the anus and put it into the vagina. That can lead to serious infections and other complications. After any kind of anal play, you should immediately change condoms and wash the relevant body parts thoroughly.

You also need to worry about sexually transmitted diseases.  AIDS; herpes, genital warts, syphilis, and gonorrhea can all be transmitted through anal sex. You simply shouldn’t be having anal sex without a condom; it’s not worth the risk to either partner.

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Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Entry for January 30, 2006
“How can I introduce BDSM to my significant other?”

 

Entry for January 30, 2006

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“How can I introduce BDSM to my significant other?”

 

A frequently asked question, and one I hesitate to answer honestly. However, I was just asked about this very issue times in two days, so I think it’s time to have some open discussion on the matter.

Sexual incompatibility within a long-termed relationship can be a serious source of unhappiness. It’s no secret that sexual problems have brought down many an otherwise reasonably solid relationship. Things can be especially difficult for the submissive or fetishist who doesn’t understand his or her need for kink until later on in life, sometimes years into a marriage. Because alternative sexuality is so taboo in our society, many people feel all alone with their fetishes and fantasies. By the time they learn that there were other people like them in the world of BDSM, they may have built their life around a vanilla relationship.

At this point, a person has 3 options: ignore the issue and continue a life of frustration, break up their relationship to find another, or find some way their current life could accommodate their sexual needs. In this last option the fledgling kinkster can either convert his or her partner, or find satisfaction outside the primary relationship, either in secret or with full consent of the significant other.

I have some idea what the politically-correct advice would be. Share your sexuality with your partner, make your vanilla relationship more satisfying. And I would venture a guess that the politically correct advice might also be that you shouldn’t be quite as kinky as you are, or that you should relegate the more serious stuff to fantasy. There’s kind of a double-standard when it comes to these things. If “normal” sexual desires are not met in a relationship it tends to be seen as a valid problem. But if alternative desires are not lived out, the burden is put on the kinkier partner to accept the situation.

I am going to go out on a limb here and give you the non-politically correct advice, because frankly, I don’t think that the politically correct advice is working. We have an enormous, international, BDSM/Fetish industry based on satisfying kinks that people are not getting at home. The need for kink does not seem to be taken seriously by society at large outside of the adult industry. At best, it’s treated like a laughable sexual quirk, when really, it’s more of a sexual orientation. Sex workers do not have the luxury of political correctness. We must see the world as it is, and not as how it “should” be. And since you are here, in this world, I’ll give you my down-and-dirty take on the situation.

I have two opinions to offer, and you may not like either of them. (For simplicity, I’ve used the male pronoun to describe the kinkster and the female pronoun to describe the vanilla partner, since My main audience is kinky heterosexual females, but we all know that kink does not discriminate, and every possible combination of pronouns could be used in these cases.)

1.Kinkifying your partner takes serious, sincere effort:

In attempting to convert your SO to BDSM: don’t whine, don’t coerce, don’t complain…. seduce.

Even though you might be very frustrated by your situation, try not to put things in a way that will make your partner feel hurt or rejected. I can’t imagine it will help things if she feels inadequate for not turning you on enough. Personally, I don’t suggest you bring up the issue in your therapist’s office. Not at first anyway. I think that might be step 5 or 6, not step 1.

Instead, do the “spice up our sex life” thing, and start sharing fantasies. The key here is that you should focus on genuinely spicing things up for both of you… it’s not going to work unless you actually want to find new ways to turn her on too. I don’t mean that you should perfunctorily live out a few of her desires only because you’re impatiently waiting with a hidden agenda to transform your SO into a dream Domme out of your favorite porn site. No, no, no. Pressure is anti-seductive. You should entice her with real pleasure, prolonged attention, patience, encouragement, and understanding. She needs to have a reason to want to do new things. It needs to become irresistible. That’s much better than making it into a problem she needs to solve. Start where she is, and slowly incorporate more as her comfort level grows.

Open communication about your issues and frustration also has its place in the right context. But I think it might take a little more than emotional processing to get your wife to, say… pee on you. Or to bitch-slap you and drag you around the house by your hair. Or to dress you up in her best lingerie, the stuff you put on when she’s not home. Just for example. And if you want to be locked in chastity, only to be allowed out of your device once a month for a ritualistic “milking” routine that ends in you drinking your own juices… well, the advice given by the average marital crisis self-help book isn’t really going to apply.

Certain types of kink are easier than others to introduce to a partner. Foot fetish, if it only entails foot worship, is one of the easier ones. A fetishist could simply ask his SO if he can give her a foot massage. Learn to give a really good one. If it were presented the right way, many women could appreciate some attention given to their feet. Move on to foot kissing, etc, but don’t indulge in excessive slobbering. Think of her enjoyment. Perhaps she’ll let you paint her toenails and you can do a weekly ritual of toenail painting.

Being Dominant can be a lot of work, but it’s also a pleasure, ladies. Practice your sincerest submission by putting him first, and showing him the pleasure of being served and treated like a king. Do it in a self-respecting way. Take care that your submission is not mistaken for low self-esteem, which is unattractive. Let him know how hot you think he is when he’s in control. You’ll be making space for a new side of himself. Don’t have expectations about what he unique dominance will be like. Cultivate a genuine curiosity about his. Nurture her Dom-side with patience, encouragement, and forms of submission that interest him.

Now, that being said, on to part 2: The above may well not be enough.

I do think that most people have a little kink in them that can be expanded if given the right opportunity, maybe even quite a lot. But I have to say, and I think most other kinksters will agree, the odds are against you totally kinkifyng your partner. As I said, it’s my opinion that being kinky is a sexual orientation, like being gay, ladies. Being kinky in a vanilla relationship is like being gay in a straight relationship. Being mostly kinky in a mostly vanilla relationship is like being a mostly-gay bisexual in a straight relationship.

That is the situation many submissives, fetishists, etc. face. Especially if they have a very taboo kink that needs satisfying. You might be able to induce a little sub/Domme dynamic into a vanilla relationship, or indulge a fairly mainstream fetish, like foot fetish. But if your needs are less moderate, ladies, I think your chances of getting a partner not only to indulge you, but to enjoy the play himself, are pretty slim.

I’m sure conversion has been done and can be done in some cases, but I think it’s important to be realistic about things. I hesitate to say all this, because I don’t want to discourage anyone from trying to convert a partner to kink. I have just seen the unhappiness it causes when people don’t prioritize erotic satisfaction as a goal in life, and take a practical approach to finding what they need. Every once in awhile I hear about a fully kinkified partner, and I’ve certainly brought out more than a few latent tendencies in mine myself.

More often what I see is people not being very realistic with themselves about how strong their fetishes are and how important it really is that those needs be satisfied. I don’t want submissives and fetishists to be full of guilt, confliction, secrets, and inner turmoil. I don’t like to see the cycles of self-denial followed by erotic binges on porn and pay-day visits to any Dominatrix available with only an hour notice.

Especially if you are in the dating phase of a relationship, don’t be naive about the chances of most women you meet satisfying your obscure desires. If you are, like Me, very, very kinky, you are going to have to face the following reality: the desires are not going to go away. You are probably going to be longing for those things for the rest of your life. You can decide not to act on your needs, and keep the kink in your private fantasy life, or you can make a point of living out your desires.

What ever you decide, I hope you make a conscious decision about what you’re going to do about being kinky. It’s better to decide what to do than to put off the issue until the next time you have some kind of outburst, followed by guilt and confusion. I want My fellow perverts to enjoy their erotic lives. I don’t want us to be like the fag walking around with a limp wrist, renting Barbara Streisand movies every Friday, replaying “YMCA” in his queeny little mind, all the while insisting “I am NOT gay. Shut up, shut up, shut up!” It’s enough to make Me want to say “Sister, snap out of it. It’s not that bad. Get up off the couch, turn off the Judy Garland special, and get thyself to the dance club. Your public awaits you!”

What’s the Kinky equivalent of stepping out? Let Me make a list of a few options:

Get involved with the BDSM scene:
Clubs
Play parties
Munches
Support Groups
Volunteer Opportunities
Workshops
Erotic writing groups
Not a joiner? (Me neither)
Internet chat rooms/forums
Kinky personal ads
Phone/email play
Ongoing distance Domination
Kinky publications
Erotic stories
Porn
Kinky Blogs
Fetish performances
And of course, professional Domination.

You can find info on all of these things on the net, most of the above are linked from this blog. I do work with couples in session, and if you would like to talk these things over with your local friendly-evil Dominatrix, you can always consult me, ladies, via My IM on MSN or Yahoo. I help people with these things over Instant Messager  all the time.

Monday January 30, 2006 - 10:58pm (PST)
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